British sports journalism has reached a critical point in its coverage of the situation surrounding Manchester City. Following the announcement of 114 charges related to financial breaches, the media appears to have decided that simply stepping onto the pitch constitutes a crime. The editorial team at BBN (BritBall.Net) took a satirical look at the absurdities found in the morning papers.
The shamelessness of playing football
Jeremy Cross from the Mirror opened the floodgates with a piece labelling the early minutes of City's match against PSG a "shameless act of defiance". The media's logic seems to suggest that City had no right to take the field and play for 13 minutes without conceding a goal. Their very existence on the pitch has now been framed as an audacity.
Mediawatch ironically pointed out that the collective righteous outrage of tabloid journalists at City daring to win matches, score goals, and play football might soon backfire, as neutral fans might start feeling sympathy for the club. Journalists were dissatisfied when City won, and they were equally displeased when they lost to PSG. Moreover, Cross got muddled up in statistics, claiming that manager Enzo Maresca had won his "first six matches at the helm" despite the Italian boasting an unbeaten run of eight victories across all competitions before the clash with the Parisians.
Pep Guardiola’s ‘disguise’
Meanwhile, both the Sun and Mirror made a meal of Pep Guardiola’s visit to the Etihad. The Mail ran a piece with the headline suggesting the former boss was "trying to stay incognito by hiding under a cap". Mediawatch mocked this portrayal, clarifying that Guardiola wasn’t hiding; he simply wore a standard flat cap. Ironically, the paper accompanied the article with a photo showing the cheerful Catalan lifting this supposed "disguise" right in front of the cameras, completely undermining the fabricated narrative of his alleged attempts to go unnoticed.
Hair-raising ‘violation’ from Erling Haaland
The most amusing incident unfolded when the Daily Mirror launched an attack on Erling Haaland. In the summer, City’s new manager, Enzo Maresca, joked about why the Norwegian was unlikely to become captain, explaining his rule that after scoring, the captain should approach the sidelines for instructions and avoid celebrating.
But if he scores himself, he can celebrate, — Maresca explained. Imagine if Erling were captain? We’d have a problem because he scores all the time!
During the match against PSG, after a series of substitutions, the captaincy switched to Haaland, who scored twice and celebrated. The Mirror quickly published an outraged piece stating:
Erling Haaland instantly broke Enzo Maresca's rule TWICE.
The paper, however, conveniently ignored the context of the manager’s summer joke, which clearly stated the exception: if the captain himself scores, the rule does not apply.
Manchester United and sanctions for Lisandro Martinez
Even Manchester United faced the wrath of the tabloids. A sensational clickbait headline from the Mirror blared: "MU ordered to immediately suspend Lisandro Martinez." Unsurprisingly, the article neglected to clarify that it was TV expert Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink that made this suggestion. Commenting on the Argentine’s incendiary interview critiquing the club's transfer policy, Hasselbaink delivered a classic argument:
His observations are valid, but should he have said this? That’s another story.
Mediawatch drew a parallel to a quote from Marge Simpson:
It's true, but he shouldn't have said it.
